Photo's

1. The photo is of a man and an old lady at a dinner table. The man is sitting down on the phone ashing a cigarrette while some old lady who could be his mom or grandma is laying down on his lap basically with her head just above the table. Her face is right next to the cigarette so you dont really know he is smoking it or he is helping her smoke it. In the bottom corner you can see a giant glass of what looks like sangria which is delicious.

2. The photo is composed from what looks to be from a family member who was having dinner with them and saw the chance to take a funny photo so they just whipped out their phone and took a picture. The man looks like he didnt know there was a picture being taken but the old lady for sure knows. What draws your attention is the old lady is lying down at the dinner table and her head is just popping out of where the guy is sitting. You look at it and your just like what the hell is going on.

3. the photo is kind of telling both a short and long story. The short story that its trying to tell us is that that is one weird family.  The longer story is about a dinner party where they all have obviously been drinking and its just finished with this photo being the end result.

4. Certain people might find this offensive because the man is smoking inside the house and the old lady has been drinking, heavily by the looks of the glass but me personally and my position just make me see a happy family having dinner together and drinking which leads to even a better time with the family.

PICTURE OF THE DAY

Intro/Outro

My introduction uses a couple of strategies from the Mcgraw handbook. The first and major strategy it uses for my introduction is that I state an important question. However I do not only state one question, I state a couple important questions. After posing these question I lead into a relevant story of my brother and how video games affected not only his but my life as well. 

My conclusion is a little more simplistic than my intro, however i find that it works better because if its simple then everyone understands it. My conclusion only uses the strategy of summarizing my main points of my paper. At the same time however i also present a powerful image with example of how games have also been used to train my brain and allow it to work efficiently even under stressful conditions. 

I believe my conclusion does answer the questions of "so what?" because of the fact that my final sentences not only summarize my main points but they also explain how they've changed my view of this world and why that matters. It also states why games have helped my life. 

Peer Review #2

This weeks peer review i thought went rather well. I found common ground with someone I had never talked to because of my paper. I got a lot of positive feedback from him about my paper and a few pointers on how to fix some issues that I knew my paper had. Nothing really went wrong during the review but I did get a little discouraged when he said I had a weak concluding sentence but it wasnt my real conclusion because I decided to end my paper with a quote. I am going to have to switch up a couple things so the quote becomes more noticeable. I also need to figure out a way to organize my first paragraph so that it makes more sense. I think all the things that I went over with my peer are most likely going to change. There isnt much that I wouldnt change.

HELP

I got a lot of great feedback on my first draft from Heather today. The main area where I need to make changes is my story where I fell into the pitfall of popularity. It changed my whole gaming experience for a time. After looking at the paragraph and looking at her feedback I have decided that I need to add more detail to some aspects of the story. More directly to each sport and the video game that helped me. For madden I will probably add detail about how it taught me route running and blocking for our running backs. Also I will add detail regarding 2k and how it taught me to always space the floor and when and how to make cuts towards the basket. I will also add how it taught me a lot of defensive schemes, which at my age was a huge advantage considering most kids that did play only understood man-to-man rather than zone's and halfcourt traps. Doing this will help my paper a good amount because for all my other stories about how video games affected my life are rather long and detail oriented. It will make my paper look more symmetrical because instead of some of my stories being long and some being short with no detail they all feel the same. At the same time however one story took a little to long to tell so I will probably have to cut out some detail within it but not take away from the whole message of the story.

Group Stage

I received a lot of great feedback today in class from some of my peers. My paper was on video games and how they changed throughout my time and how that affected me along side it. Some great feedback that I received was from my peers about how it flowed well. It was sort of a timeline which was perfect for what I was writing for. Some other feedback that my group member received on their drafts was to make sure that you can write 4-6 pages on your idea. If you don't feel like you can you might want to add or change the idea of the paper. If you can however go for it and don't stop till you literally cant write anymore. My discovery draft really didn't have much in terms of detail. It was more to get the idea of what i wanted to write about more than anything. My next draft will definitely have a lot more detail about the games and about how they affected me as an individual and socially. I don't think I got any feedback that I didn't like. It was all positive and helpful for one I start to actually write down my essay.