HELP

I got a lot of great feedback on my first draft from Heather today. The main area where I need to make changes is my story where I fell into the pitfall of popularity. It changed my whole gaming experience for a time. After looking at the paragraph and looking at her feedback I have decided that I need to add more detail to some aspects of the story. More directly to each sport and the video game that helped me. For madden I will probably add detail about how it taught me route running and blocking for our running backs. Also I will add detail regarding 2k and how it taught me to always space the floor and when and how to make cuts towards the basket. I will also add how it taught me a lot of defensive schemes, which at my age was a huge advantage considering most kids that did play only understood man-to-man rather than zone's and halfcourt traps. Doing this will help my paper a good amount because for all my other stories about how video games affected my life are rather long and detail oriented. It will make my paper look more symmetrical because instead of some of my stories being long and some being short with no detail they all feel the same. At the same time however one story took a little to long to tell so I will probably have to cut out some detail within it but not take away from the whole message of the story.